Is Fidelity Outdated

Is Fidelity Outdated? When you ask such a question on Valentine’s Day, it tends to grab attention. Anuradha Verma of The Times of India asks this question in today’s edition of the paper’s lifestyle section. Pritish Nandy, Suchitra Krishnamurthy, Rupa Ganguly have all shared their views. I got to share space with them because the title of my second novel ie Married But Available 🙂

Columnist and film maker Pritish Nandy says, “Fidelity is not the issue. Has never been. What is at issue is fidelity on demand. You cannot get fidelity on demand in a marriage or any other relationship for that matter. People are faithful when they love someone enough to give up every other option, every other choice. And trust me, despite the contempt with which it is treated by many people today, fidelity is still pretty much common. It is not that impossibility which we think it is.”

Actor Rupa Ganguly‘s view is that, “… due to exposure, people’s expectations have grown. They get dissatisfied, and this leads them to cheat. It’s a fast life, and everybody’s ambitious. Patience levels have dropped and that feeling called love is easily lost in this frenzy. One doesn’t stay in love for very long. However, while in a relationship, people still want to be loyal, and infidelity causes a lot of pain.”Actor, singer, writer Suchitra Krishnamurthy says, “As some men get caught, more and more cases come to the forefront. Men can no longer afford to show off their conquests. They now have to hide their affairs. This could well mean fidelity is back as a lasting fashion statement. Infidelity is a reality. There are few relationships untouched by it. Today, women too are experimenting. There is a shift in consciousness.”

Here is what I had mentioned in the phone interview. Sometimes an edited version does not do justice to the idea.  Tell me what you think of it.The explosion of social media has created many more shades of relationships. Social media is also redefining conversations that is the basis of all relationships. A relationship forms when conversations begin. Media is making multiple relationships happen. As the conversations evolve, the relationship evolves. Society changes when ever evolving conversations start creating new forms of relationships that have not existed before. Urban India has given a grudging acceptance to live in relationships and divorces which were frowned upon even a few years back. Movies and television serials are getting more comfortable showing a spectrum of human relationships that even a few years ago would have been taboo. Think of films like DevD (read more here) which is a contemporary take on a love story. Or more recently the film Ishqiya. They depict relationships that exist comfortably in the shades of grey.  Fidelity as a notion has also been evolving from being black and white to shades of grey. The definition of fidelity is understood only when people choose fidelity despite choices being available.  Thoughts are free. We cannot control them. So it is certainly possible to feel attracted to a person. However to act on that thought is a choice people make. It is a bit like this popular painting which at first sight looks like one face but actually has nine different faces built in. Just take a closer look. There is more to it than meets the eye at first glance.—————–Read the article Is Fidelity Outdated on the Times of India site. Click hereReview of DevD at http://www.abhijitbhaduri.com/2009/02/devd/Read about the film Ishqiya at http://www.abhijitbhaduri.com/2010/01/ishqiya/Source of painting: http://www.facedetection.com/facedetection/misc.htm