My parents believed that the child must never be praised in public. My father believed that it would immediately make me complacent and lazy. That in turn, would make me unambitious and eventually ruin my life. My mother believed that praising the kid (in front of others) would make the whole world cast an evil eye. That would bring me bad luck. The routes were different, but the destination was the same. Praise would end up in disaster. Thankfully, they were more generous when others were not around.When it came to praising others they would be really encouraging. That made them very popular with my friends. They would come home and read out their short stories and poems or show them their paintings and then enjoy all the appreciation that my parents would douse them with. It would make me turn green with envy. There was nothing fake in their appreciation for others, but why did they not apply the same yardstick to me, I wondered.Modern parents will scoff at that philosophy. “Catch them doing something right” is the operating principle. Parents keep a close watch on their progeny hoping to build their self-esteem by effusively praising them. I am never sure if that is driving up our medals tally at the Olympics or getting us more Nobel Laureates. But I am sure, as a nation our collective self-esteem is going sky high.I think we do not react equally well to every compliment. We all have one compliment that matters more to us. That is our “favorite compliment”. Think about all the compliments that you receive and then single out one that you relish for a long time. The compliment plays in your head over and over again. You replay that blurry moment like a worn out tape that has gone all grainy but you just want to watch that scene one last time.Compliments are best when they are specific. So when someone appreciates your songs by saying, “You have a lovely voice…” that feels good. It is even better if someone were to say that your voice is imminently suited for soft romantic songs. It could be about the great mint tea you make. The compliment has to be genuine.Different people care about different things. I knew a cardiologist who was revered for his professional skills but what made him melt was when someone appreciated his paintings. I knew it meant a lot to him to hear that. He would respond to his favorite compliment by bringing out his sketch book and showing me more of his art. You could of course argue that praising his skills as a surgeon should then get him instantly to the operating table, but no, that is not the point.I know a very famous singer whose favorite compliment is about her tresses. When a colleague accidentally called her Rapunzel, she blushed like a teenager. There is a glow that is hard to miss when you discover someone’s favorite compliment. The person will remember that compliment till their dying day. It is special. No matter how many times you hear that, you can never have enough of it.What is your favorite compliment? How did you discover that this compliment matters the most to you?Join me on Twitter @AbhijitBhaduri
—
Written By
What Is Your Favorite Compliment
Comments
8 responses to “What Is Your Favorite Compliment”
-
Much like finding the right career isn’t as much about finding a job, but realizing what does the person value the most, the most valued compliment might hold the key to releasing the true potential of the individual. Cool article.
-
A Bi-lingual journal published by Loukik prokash and Maulana Abul Kalam Azad Institute of Asian Studies:Loukik,a bi-annual bi-lingual journal of folklore and cultural studies startedits journey in 2007 with an objective of creating a space forpublication of results of works based on systematic and methodologicallysound exploration in folklore and cultural studies in the vernacular aswell as in English. Since long we have been sensing a need for a well–formatted journal in Bengali. Many of the European and Asian countrieshave high standard academic journal in their own languages. If it ispossible there , why it will be an insurmountable task for us. We noticethat pithy discourses are still not rare in Bengali. But we concedethat our means is limited. With these constraints we hope to carryforward our much cherished objectives.visit http://loukikprokash.wix.com/index for details.
-
Lovely article. So true that close ones refrain from complimenting. Can very well relate with envy part too! Pretty interesting. And certainly, the favourite compliment can instantly make your day brighter than ever!For me, as with most women,I believe “specific” compliments on looks always work 😀 Also, if any compliment comes from an unexpected person, it feels very special and stays long.
-
Hahaha….that compliment regarding your voice!!!! By the way, lovely article. Made me actually think what’s my favourite compliment….
-
Dear Abhijit Sir, My Father, the compliments he always received after developing a portraiture class session was ,simply “Deepay Da, this is what I want on my wall”. This is what they all will remember me by. Aami eta chai. An industrialist by profession he taught me one thing. Sonny never learn photography ??? What??? Learn communications, what is that ? The one you shoot is not a subject. Connect to make it true not just a picture. He has long gone by, his picture in the temple was taken by me.Moving forward, I took some snaps of my Father in Law, Rajesh I want these snaps to be on your wall after I Die.Then the most amazing thing happens. My Daughter complimented by her Teacher Mitali… My Dying snap.. none could have taken better.Bottom Line : compliments : Great Car : Great house : Wild party : Just that hold your Soul, selling it would never take you anywhere.
-
Thought provoking and sensitively written article. Just what I needed to read on a Friday eve *Chuckles*”You are a great colleague to work with “This compliment came recently from my colleague and a gentleman from Europe who has more than 2 decades of work experience. I respect and admire him a lot for his modesty, integrity, work ethics, discipline, creativity, sincerity. We have never met in person, probably we never will, however we have worked on same team for 2 years . This compliment would be my fav ( due to Recency Effect). Many other compliments from India & across the globe were poured upon ( Humbling experience) when I recently moved to a new role at workplace.Regards,Ruchi
-
Abhijit,the part about our parents is so true.It was a tenet all Bong parents lived by.Never,not even in your proudest moment make the mistake of praising your offspring!But me thinks they carried it too far.On the other hand it has helped us to remain grounded and accept all compliments with utmost pleasure and humility.Till date I cannot be dismissive of any compliment that comes my way and there’s always that happy haze engulfing you once someone praises you.For me more than specific compliments on looks,intelligence etc etc what matters is when someone says I’m a nice person or a thoughtful friend or similar stuff.But what makes me happiest is when there is an argument or just a discussion at home and the boys say,hey don’t argue with Raki,she’s the MD of the house and she’s always right!Maybe because we were generous with our compliments when they were growing up they find it in their heart to be a little magnanimous with us.
-
ha ha no comment about compliment
Leave a Reply to sukanya Cancel reply